Complaints:

So I watched 2girls1cup becasue I just HAD to see for myself. I deapley regret this decision. That is all I can say at this time.

http://2girls1cup.com

I'm in a really good mood this morning. Hopefully I hear from my new job so I can go take my drug test and get started. I got a job in an elderly community. I'm going to be cooking it their resturant. Its a really nice place that serves really great food which is important to me and I get benefits as well as paid holidays paid sick days and all of that. It's a really great job plus I will be making $11.50 an hour on salary and garanteed 40 hours a week which is WAY better than the $8 off the books I was making at Debbie's the only thing better about Debbie's was getting paid in cash at the end of every shift yeah that was suhweeeet.

Well I havent posted in a really long time, so long that i forgot all about this site. It's really weird to read my old entries because when I was last using LJ I was inlove with a guy (or atleats thought so) and just kind of in a shitty place n life. ALOT has changed. I'm thankfull Shaun and I are still good friends but im really really gay and I have completly come to terms with that as you all know haha. Last year I met a girl, I fell inlove, had ALOT of sex, and I fought really hard to make her mine and she finally caved<3 so now I live in Albany because this is where she goes to school and I couldnt bare to live two hours away from her anymore. We did the long distance thing for about 7 months or so and then I moved here in July. We moved in with my brother and his friend which turned out to be a big mistake ALOT of uncalled for drama went down and now Kait and I have a really nice new apartment of our own with our two cats. I couldnt be happier and I would marry her if I could and I will someday. I also no longer speak to my brother because he has lost his mind.
After I moved to Albany michelle moved to nashville which upset me because she was planning on going to school here in Albany and I was really excited to have her here with me but things change. I miss her ALOT. I miss all of my friends so much. Albany is a really cool little city but people here for the most part just suck. They are two faced and just all around assholes not like people from back home at all with a few exceptions. I know if I had MY friends HERE we would tear this place up.
Since my move I have completly turned my life around just focusing on going to work paying my bills taking care of my girlfriend preparing dinner every night being a total housewife ect. Drug free I barley leave the house unless I am working or shopping. We watch ALOT of movies. This might sound boring but I wouldnt trade it for anything I love it. I guess thats it for now thats my life I dont know how I got here and sometimes its hard to believe that this is really my life and that I really have this amazing girl but I do and I fucking deserve it<3

i can honistly say that i know who my true friends are these days.
and i fucking love you guys<33333

an update could take all day so ill try to sumarize.

i live at the gap outlet i make great money and work with amazing people.
i "see" this girl kait whom i have quit the interesting relationship with but regardless shes amazing i spend alot of time trying not to like her as much as i know i could just because she goes to school all the way in albany and pretty soon philly.

i live with mandigo and her friend danielle is now living with us as well.we have a cute little family
we have 4 cats which is too many pasta pastoolio and toootie ray vaughn are sarahs makey is danielles and chance is mine shes a tiny black and white kitten i found in a box at my bank.

even though everything is perfect im not content and i dunno why. i feel as though something is missing even when i have everything i need i still feel this way maybe its just a part of life.

i have never been so happy.

Something inside me snapped lastnight.
Its a good thing.

michelle is my homie for life.
now its official. suh-weet


im still really sad though

im waiting to see whats gonna happen
i fucked up bad
but i think i deserve a second chance
i wanna fix this
i wanna be happy again
i hate this
i cant live with it on my chest
this is the worste thing i have ever done

i was a big asshole the othernight
i misunderstood everything
and then turned into a phsyco and ruined an amazing thing
things were shaping up
things were amazing
and he was treating me very amazingly

i am a shithead
and there is no going back
who would want someone who does that?
i wouldnt
not even if i loved them this much
maybe i would
yeah i would
but im different
im dumb
i wish i had more time and more chances
time is runing out
and now its cut shorter
there could be nothing worse

p.s.i dont have my phone anymore so its my house phone and then when i move no phone because my unkle isnt gonna be into people calling me

i need to quit drinking.
it really is turning me into this thing that i hate.

when you are swinging at the person you are very much inlove with outside of bar its time to stop.
iv never felt so horrible for anything in my life
i dont care if i wad water thrown on me and was being treated badly once again... i should have just gone home.
i still shouldnt have done that
that isnt me
i love him
and iv really done it this time

and i have nobody to talk to
nobody to comfort me
and nobody to show they care

its just me
feeling like i cant even move ever again because if i do im afraid ill just fuck up something else
or i will drink
and i dont want to do eaither one
this is deffinatly my lowest point.

and from now on im not gonna be on call to listen to anyones problems or to be a good friend
im sick of trying to be a good friend and then i still end up alone when i shouldnt be
and for no fucking reason.
done.

i miss annah alot
im so excited to go to florida!
i cant wait to see my twinkie!
and also i cant wait to meet her friends

i got went uot the venture lastnight fun mmmm beer
iv been doing amazing things which i dont wish to speak of
only because i dont want anyone to make me feel bad
theres only one thing that makes me feel whole
i hate it
but i love it
and thats all i have to say about that

i wish i was going to 80's night!

let me just say my tattoo looks fucking amazing
i sat for 3 and a half hours this time which was a half hour longer than usual
half way through i got super hungry and really wasnt diggin getting tattoos then i got a little dizzy so shaun went and got me snacks from the store

i think iv got like an hour left to go including touch ups and everything
but it looks done there are just a few little things left
and we also have to go over the peace sign again im so glad that ugly tattoo is covered
I FUCKING LOVE IT

i had a great day yesterday
i love how everytime shaun tattoos me (for free) he takes me out to dinner after
i should be the one taking him out... someday i will because i kinda feel like a jerk about it
im gonna do something special for him before he leaves i just dont know what yet

well... shaun is moving in december to south carolina wit shelly
im reeeeealy sad that he is actually gonna do it
but it might be a good experience since he is so unhappy
maybe those two will have a second chance maybe she will make him happy
who knows

im just sad
i wish alot of things were alot different

wow...its really sad
i hardly even see him now and i dont like it
i cant imagine sayin goodbye

: (

whatever doesnt matter!

HI ummm you are pretty
you are hott
you really like me and spend all of your time talking to me

SO IM GONNA SIT ON YOUR FACE!

love,
KMFH


I JUST WROTE THIS POEM FOR A GIRL

montgomery day was great!
THERE WAS LOTS OF FREE BEER!
and if you know me you know thats my favorite kind.

im moving next week and nobody makes an effort to hangout
except donna who is in the hospital
and guys who wanna get in my pants
i know im not moving far but still i wont be here

i dont care
so im not caring about moving because i realize i have no real friends here anyway.

goodbye

i got offered my job at sunoco back but its all weekend hours i wish i wasnt moving so that i could take it because school is like 3 mins down the road from it that would be a great inbetween before welding also working on the weekends would get me out of trouble but im not driving all the way from monroe for a shit job. someone be my roomate up here. coolness would be shuan suddenly crawling back...then we get a place and move in i get my job back happy ending hurrah hurrah!

and to all stupid dudes...
hi just because i hangout with you or talk to you DOES NOT mean i want to date you... or kiss you... or fuck you.
ecspecially if we have been friends forever its like all of the sudden. its so annoying id rather just not hangout or pick up the fucking phone. stupid dudes now i remember why i liked girls for so long.

ANYWAYYYYY

michelle and i are going to montgomery day taoday yaaaaay. all i know is we are gonna like walk around and michelle is gonna watch me get really drunk that sounds like super fun to me.

i need to suround myself with better people
old habbits
its isnt me
when i was around a new type of people and happy with the dude everything was fine
now i only hangout with a few people and mostly they arent the right ones at all

change of pase time
i had a really really nice time tonight
i always did
fuck it sucks but things will get better for me im hoping

well, he said he would finish the tattoo
which i think is awesome of him since he told me it was goodbye for good

it seems like he is gonna be moving soon....

kills me lots

time ta let go

im going to spend the next month working on myself.
im back to self distruct mode and it isnt helping me in anyway.
i think im going to write out a five year plan and live by it
also the company of men whom i dont share feelings with is in no way going to fix anything but instead make things far more complicated
i dont know why it is that i always seem to make that mistake.
no more.
not that i ever sleep around or anything crazy like that but just hangin out and leading on isnt nice and i dont mean to do it i really wish i could like people but i usually dont once and a while maybe but definatly not now and i cant force it upon myself no matter how nice some guys are too me

also.... now i have to have a different artist finish my tattoo
which ruins my tattoo
bacause shaun doesnt want to speak to me ever again.

i like how iv ended up like in the total shit house after that relationship
how does that work?
karma should have made it the other way around

but whatever im told eventualy this will make me stronger
everything always does.
when will things begin to make me wiser thats what i would like to know.

but on the bright side
my car is getting fixed today
new hood
new window
SWEET
now all i have to do is get my lisence back and keep it this time